They asked, and he brought them quail and satisfied them with the bread of heaven. Psalm 105: 40
March 21, 2011
I know, friends. Chicken is not quail, and quail is not chicken, but they're both fowl. And with that being said, let's make the jump from quail to chicken, because chicken is the theme of today's blog. And today's menu.
I had the best salad for lunch! Lots of leafy greens, of course, topped with chunks of grilled chicken, crumbled crispy bacon, and some diced red onion. Chopped peaches and a few cherries added color and sweetness. For the dressing, I just drizzled some olive oil and red wine vinegar over everything. Lots of texture, color and flavor. Seriously, it was one of the best salads I've eaten!
And guess what? I had fried chicken for dinner!
You know it wasn't country fried. You know it wasn't Kentucky fried. It was simply pan fried -- in a little olive oil, on top of the stove, with salt and pepper to taste. Just cooked it at a medium temperature, and kept turning it until it was done inside and crispy outside, then drained it well.
Actually, the fried chicken was leftover from yesterday's dinner, but it was just as good warmed over tonight. I added a mess of green beans -- cooked down with a little red onion and some bacon for added flavor -- and I was a happy gal.
I also cooked up a big pot of chicken yesterday, to be boned and made ready for quick meals and snacks. The broth will not go to waste. Perhaps I'll use it for braising vegetables, or cooking down into a glaze to top some steamed cauliflower. Or maybe I'll simply make up a batch of chicken and vegetable soup!
In two more days I might finally learn what's really been going on inside. I have an appointment with Dr. Ford, and maybe he's gotten the blood test results back. I'm facing this step without fear, because God is in charge. The knowledge is what will help Dr. Ford help to make me well. And the truth will set me free!
Dear God,
I surrender my body and my weight loss to your divine care and love. I ask that you remove all excess and unnecessary weight from my body. Return my body to its most healthy and balanced state. Give me eating habits that support my health and life energy. And, finally, teach me to love my body and to care for it from this day forth. AMEN!
This prayer was said three times a day by more than 2,000 volunteers. They lost an average of 4.5 pounds in two weeks -- and many weren't even dieting.
I found this prayer and statement written in the front of a book the other day. I do not know the source, but wanted to share them with you. The prayer is so very, very appropriate for my journey. Feel free to pray it along with me.
Su
Friday, March 25, 2011
Day 12 - Being Grateful for God's Provision
For God's Kingdom is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of the righteousness, peace, and joy which the Holy Spirit gives. And when someone serves Christ in this way, he pleases God and is approved by others. Romans 14: 17-18
March 20, 2011
I realize better than anyone how limited -- and limiting -- my food and drink choices are right now, but it's all part of this process. Would I want to eat like this every day for the rest of my life? Well, no! But this is for a specified time period, with a definite ending. 30 days total. That's just two days over four weeks in duration.
Then, when I start introducing other foods back into my system, if I have an adverse reaction, they'll be GONE on a permanent basis. It won't be a matter of how good they taste, how much I've enjoyed them in the past. If they're bad for me and making me ill, why would I want to continue eating them?
Remember, this is NOT just about losing weight. This is about HEALING so that I can properly process the food I eat. If I'm in ill health internally, then it won't matter how much "diet and exercise" I endure, it won't matter how many fad diets and quick fixes I subject myself to.
This is a lifestyle change. And it involves discipline as well as accountability.
What gain would I have -- except for more unnecessary and unwanted poundage, as well as a lot of guilt and disappointment in myself -- to cheat on this diet? What good would it do me to whine and complain about the difficulties? This is something I need to do, but more importantly, it's something I have chosen to do.
It's not a matter of what food I cannot have, it's what I can have that matters. So I shall seek to make the most of what is available. I shall be grateful for what I now have and what is yet to come, not dwelling on what has been taken away.
This attitude has helped to get me through the hard and painful years past, and it should serve me well with my 100-Day Journey. Thankfulness for the blessings of God's provision -- be they shelter, transportation, food and water, friends and family, even life itself. Especially life!
Be joyful always, pray at all times, be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants from you in your life in union with Christ Jesus. Do not restrain the Holy Spirit; do not despise inspired messages. Put all things to the test: keep what is good and avoid every kind of evil. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-22
March 20, 2011
I realize better than anyone how limited -- and limiting -- my food and drink choices are right now, but it's all part of this process. Would I want to eat like this every day for the rest of my life? Well, no! But this is for a specified time period, with a definite ending. 30 days total. That's just two days over four weeks in duration.
Then, when I start introducing other foods back into my system, if I have an adverse reaction, they'll be GONE on a permanent basis. It won't be a matter of how good they taste, how much I've enjoyed them in the past. If they're bad for me and making me ill, why would I want to continue eating them?
Remember, this is NOT just about losing weight. This is about HEALING so that I can properly process the food I eat. If I'm in ill health internally, then it won't matter how much "diet and exercise" I endure, it won't matter how many fad diets and quick fixes I subject myself to.
This is a lifestyle change. And it involves discipline as well as accountability.
What gain would I have -- except for more unnecessary and unwanted poundage, as well as a lot of guilt and disappointment in myself -- to cheat on this diet? What good would it do me to whine and complain about the difficulties? This is something I need to do, but more importantly, it's something I have chosen to do.
It's not a matter of what food I cannot have, it's what I can have that matters. So I shall seek to make the most of what is available. I shall be grateful for what I now have and what is yet to come, not dwelling on what has been taken away.
This attitude has helped to get me through the hard and painful years past, and it should serve me well with my 100-Day Journey. Thankfulness for the blessings of God's provision -- be they shelter, transportation, food and water, friends and family, even life itself. Especially life!
Be joyful always, pray at all times, be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants from you in your life in union with Christ Jesus. Do not restrain the Holy Spirit; do not despise inspired messages. Put all things to the test: keep what is good and avoid every kind of evil. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-22
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day 11 - I'm Digging In!
March 19, 2011
Well, I've lost five pounds in two days. I'm sure it's mostly from the shock to my system, of such drastic changes in WHAT I'm eating. Not in HOW MUCH, because I'm literally stuffing myself. I'm not allowed to go hungry, and until my body adjusts, I'm digging in -- to what few things I can have, that is.
It's a good thing I like salad. It's a great thing I can cook pretty well. It's a terrific thing that I'm not big into sauces and gravies, ketchup or other condiments, because those are no-no's for me right now. It's a fabulous thing I can be adventurous and try new "spins" on classic dishes. And it's an amazingly wonderful thing that I am embracing the challenge of how to combine such limited ingredients for full flavor and versatility.
I'm not bragging here, I'm just claiming all the resources at hand and trying to make the best of them.
For example, for St. Patrick's Day, coincidentally the first day of the 30-day pruning diet, this Irish lass wanted to sample some Corned Beef and Cabbage. So I bought a pack of corned beef, and a head of cabbage. After cutting up the cabbage and chopping some red onion, I threw the veggies in the crock pot with the corned beef. Remembering the NO SPICES rule, I just tossed the spice packet that came with the meat. I had to leave out the carrots and potatoes too (what, an Irish recipe with no potatoes?). But I did splash in some red wine vinegar and a shake or two of pepper. I knew the corned beef had enough salt of its own, so didn't add any more of that. I tossed some fresh green beans in at the last to add some crunchy texture.
With a two-pound piece of beef and half a head of cabbage, this was enough for six servings. I admit, it was pretty tasty, but maybe next time I'll add some cauliflower to replace the potatoes.
Yesterday for lunch I had a modified tuna salad (drained tuna, chopped red onion, chopped fresh peaches, a sprinkle of salt, and a splash of red wine vinegar) served on lettuce leaves. Dinner was tilapia, simply done with salt, pepper and lemon juice, and a side of coleslaw (cabbage, peaches, red onion, and red wine vinegar).
Today I got to savor some St. Pat's leftovers. Cooking skills or not, leftovers are SO much easier!
If you hurt your brother because of something you eat, then you are no longer acting from love. Do not let the food that you eat ruin the person for whom Christ died! Do not let what you regard as good get a bad name. For God's Kingdom is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of the righteousness, peace, and joy which the Holy Spirit gives. And when someone serves Christ in this way, he pleases God and is approved by others.
So then, we must always aim at those things that bring peace and that help strengthen one another. Do not, because of food, destroy what God has done. All foods may be eaten, but it is wrong to eat anything that will cause someone else to fall into sin. Romans 14:15-20
Well, I've lost five pounds in two days. I'm sure it's mostly from the shock to my system, of such drastic changes in WHAT I'm eating. Not in HOW MUCH, because I'm literally stuffing myself. I'm not allowed to go hungry, and until my body adjusts, I'm digging in -- to what few things I can have, that is.
It's a good thing I like salad. It's a great thing I can cook pretty well. It's a terrific thing that I'm not big into sauces and gravies, ketchup or other condiments, because those are no-no's for me right now. It's a fabulous thing I can be adventurous and try new "spins" on classic dishes. And it's an amazingly wonderful thing that I am embracing the challenge of how to combine such limited ingredients for full flavor and versatility.
I'm not bragging here, I'm just claiming all the resources at hand and trying to make the best of them.
For example, for St. Patrick's Day, coincidentally the first day of the 30-day pruning diet, this Irish lass wanted to sample some Corned Beef and Cabbage. So I bought a pack of corned beef, and a head of cabbage. After cutting up the cabbage and chopping some red onion, I threw the veggies in the crock pot with the corned beef. Remembering the NO SPICES rule, I just tossed the spice packet that came with the meat. I had to leave out the carrots and potatoes too (what, an Irish recipe with no potatoes?). But I did splash in some red wine vinegar and a shake or two of pepper. I knew the corned beef had enough salt of its own, so didn't add any more of that. I tossed some fresh green beans in at the last to add some crunchy texture.
With a two-pound piece of beef and half a head of cabbage, this was enough for six servings. I admit, it was pretty tasty, but maybe next time I'll add some cauliflower to replace the potatoes.
Yesterday for lunch I had a modified tuna salad (drained tuna, chopped red onion, chopped fresh peaches, a sprinkle of salt, and a splash of red wine vinegar) served on lettuce leaves. Dinner was tilapia, simply done with salt, pepper and lemon juice, and a side of coleslaw (cabbage, peaches, red onion, and red wine vinegar).
Today I got to savor some St. Pat's leftovers. Cooking skills or not, leftovers are SO much easier!
If you hurt your brother because of something you eat, then you are no longer acting from love. Do not let the food that you eat ruin the person for whom Christ died! Do not let what you regard as good get a bad name. For God's Kingdom is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of the righteousness, peace, and joy which the Holy Spirit gives. And when someone serves Christ in this way, he pleases God and is approved by others.
So then, we must always aim at those things that bring peace and that help strengthen one another. Do not, because of food, destroy what God has done. All foods may be eaten, but it is wrong to eat anything that will cause someone else to fall into sin. Romans 14:15-20
Day 10 - A Necessary Pruning and a Huge Leap of Faith
Then the Lord said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions." Exodus 16: 4
DIET. I've never liked that word. Just look at it -- the first three letters signify the end of life. But maybe that's what this is about -- the end of a lifestyle which has led to as-yet undiagnosed yet very real illness. The end of a lifestyle that leads to the beginning of a new, healthy one.
It would take such a positive outlook and determined endurance to see THIS diet through. My course of care with Dr. Ford begins with a 30-day span of very limited food intake. It isn't the quantity that's limited, it's the elements. Everything that could possibly irritate or overstimulate my system is eradicated.
Do you think that would mean a bland, porridge and pudding type diet? If so, you would be very, very wrong.
No, this is basically pared down to meats and green vegetables, a few fruits, and no spices. Just a little salt and pepper for seasoning. No caffeine either.
The premise is that these 30 days will give my system a chance to begin healing, as it is deprived of irritants, stimulants, and possibly allergies that I have become so accustomed to that I don't even notice the effect they have on me. After the 30 days are over, I can begin to slowly reintroduce different foods, watching for potential reactions.
I'm looking at this phase, not so much as an extremely strict diet, but more as a pruning -- and it's definitely the season for that. Cutting away the dead or the life-draining parts, and making room for new positive, fruitful growth.
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." John 15: 1-2
March 18, 2011
"You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15: 3-4
So, a day after beginning this new diet, or pruning, or whatever it's called, I step forward in faith as Dr. Ford orders blood drawn for testing. I have no baseline for him to go upon, and judging from my answers on his questionnaire, he needs to know -- and I need to know -- exactly what we're dealing with. What damage is done. What problems are brewing. Where to begin with the healing to come.
There is no backing out now. There will be answers coming, and the blood will tell all.
"For the blood she shed is in her midst: She poured it on the bare rock; she did not pour it on the ground where the dust would cover it." Ezekiel 24: 4
DIET. I've never liked that word. Just look at it -- the first three letters signify the end of life. But maybe that's what this is about -- the end of a lifestyle which has led to as-yet undiagnosed yet very real illness. The end of a lifestyle that leads to the beginning of a new, healthy one.
It would take such a positive outlook and determined endurance to see THIS diet through. My course of care with Dr. Ford begins with a 30-day span of very limited food intake. It isn't the quantity that's limited, it's the elements. Everything that could possibly irritate or overstimulate my system is eradicated.
Do you think that would mean a bland, porridge and pudding type diet? If so, you would be very, very wrong.
No, this is basically pared down to meats and green vegetables, a few fruits, and no spices. Just a little salt and pepper for seasoning. No caffeine either.
The premise is that these 30 days will give my system a chance to begin healing, as it is deprived of irritants, stimulants, and possibly allergies that I have become so accustomed to that I don't even notice the effect they have on me. After the 30 days are over, I can begin to slowly reintroduce different foods, watching for potential reactions.
I'm looking at this phase, not so much as an extremely strict diet, but more as a pruning -- and it's definitely the season for that. Cutting away the dead or the life-draining parts, and making room for new positive, fruitful growth.
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." John 15: 1-2
March 18, 2011
"You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15: 3-4
So, a day after beginning this new diet, or pruning, or whatever it's called, I step forward in faith as Dr. Ford orders blood drawn for testing. I have no baseline for him to go upon, and judging from my answers on his questionnaire, he needs to know -- and I need to know -- exactly what we're dealing with. What damage is done. What problems are brewing. Where to begin with the healing to come.
There is no backing out now. There will be answers coming, and the blood will tell all.
"For the blood she shed is in her midst: She poured it on the bare rock; she did not pour it on the ground where the dust would cover it." Ezekiel 24: 4
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Day 9 - At the Beginning - At Long Last
I've covered the past, now I'm moving into the present. It took me longer than I originally thought, and I feel good about what I shared, but the point of this blog -- and of this journey -- is to move FORWARD. The past was presented for a reference point, not a dwelling place. There will surely be "flashback moments" and segues into memories and previous experiences, especially if they are relevant to what's going on right now. But enough of the wilderness -- let's get back to the originally intended beginning!
"No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse. Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved." Matthew 9: 16-17
March 17, 2011
This was a day of importance, the day I made a commitment to physical healing. One of my New Year's resolutions for 2011 was to make healthy decisions this year, and I was following through on that pledge. I met with a metabolic weight loss specialist, to begin an intensive three-month program of rectifying whatever damage I had done to my internal physiology through the years.
I had heard of Dr. Ryan Ford through a friend of mine, and attended a free workshop he had held a month or so earlier. It had been many years since I'd even seen a doctor, and wasn't out-and-out sick -- that I knew of, anyway. But I just didn't feel "right," and I hadn't for a very long time. This stands to reason, with all the stresses and traumas that had come into my life. But it actually had started years earlier, and I found all manner of justifications -- low iron, female problems, lack of energy -- unaware that these were, most likely, symptoms instead of validities.
So after much prayer and forethought, I attended the workshop, and heard what Dr. Ford had to say. What struck me first was the question, "Are you sick because you're overweight, or are you overweight because you're sick?" He then explained how an impaired metabolism affects our body's systems, which then compensate and are strained, leading to further illness, until finally an all-out breakdown occurs. This is often in the form of an auto-immune disease, such as diabetes, lupus and fibromyalgia.
What next got my attention was that these symptoms, and these diseases, could be treated and likely overcome with proper individualized diet. But it would also take commitment to the treatment, and the lifestyle changes necessary to maintain the regained health.
Why did this strike such a chord with me? There are several reasons.
I committed to this new beginning. I was unafraid, trusting God and His healing powers, to be enacted through Dr. Ford. And so the diet began.
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."
"No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse. Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved." Matthew 9: 16-17
March 17, 2011
This was a day of importance, the day I made a commitment to physical healing. One of my New Year's resolutions for 2011 was to make healthy decisions this year, and I was following through on that pledge. I met with a metabolic weight loss specialist, to begin an intensive three-month program of rectifying whatever damage I had done to my internal physiology through the years.
I had heard of Dr. Ryan Ford through a friend of mine, and attended a free workshop he had held a month or so earlier. It had been many years since I'd even seen a doctor, and wasn't out-and-out sick -- that I knew of, anyway. But I just didn't feel "right," and I hadn't for a very long time. This stands to reason, with all the stresses and traumas that had come into my life. But it actually had started years earlier, and I found all manner of justifications -- low iron, female problems, lack of energy -- unaware that these were, most likely, symptoms instead of validities.
So after much prayer and forethought, I attended the workshop, and heard what Dr. Ford had to say. What struck me first was the question, "Are you sick because you're overweight, or are you overweight because you're sick?" He then explained how an impaired metabolism affects our body's systems, which then compensate and are strained, leading to further illness, until finally an all-out breakdown occurs. This is often in the form of an auto-immune disease, such as diabetes, lupus and fibromyalgia.
What next got my attention was that these symptoms, and these diseases, could be treated and likely overcome with proper individualized diet. But it would also take commitment to the treatment, and the lifestyle changes necessary to maintain the regained health.
Why did this strike such a chord with me? There are several reasons.
- First, I have been trying for years, as have many others, to find "the" diet for me, which only resulted in regained weight and further systemic damage. I was literally sick and tired of playing "diet roulette."
- Second, the diet plan is individually established for each person's physical needs. This is not a "one size fits all" diet, but a healing process that allows the metabolism to be reset so it can properly process the food it's given.
- Third, the program is based upon proper nutrition, not chemical alternatives and appetite suppressors. Heavy emphasis is placed upon the patient's commitment to the program, and to the needed lifestyle changes, holding the patient accountable for his own healing -- and his own health.
I committed to this new beginning. I was unafraid, trusting God and His healing powers, to be enacted through Dr. Ford. And so the diet began.
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Day 8 - Year Four - Believe in Yourself
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11: 28-30
My burdens were heavy. I was faced with debt, family situations, weight problems, and I finally admitted it -- depression. But as I turned them over to God, as I faced my fears, one by one, they lost their power over me. God was in control, if only I'd allow Him to be.
Day by day, week by week, the mountain began to move.
I opened myself to whatever I needed to learn, to not go backward again. And as my depression lifted, I realized that many long-lost skills which I once took for granted needed to be reclaimed, relearned, retuned, and I did so. Work came my way, tension eased, my mind cleared. I could breathe again.
I was coming back to life.
Happy are those who obey the Lord, who live by his commands. Your work will provide for your needs, you will be happy and prosperous. Psalm 128: 1-2
In October 2010, near the end of the fourth year, I awoke to these precious words, whispered into my soul by my precious Father: "Susan -- believe in yourself!"
Not only was I called by name, I was commanded back to life, a life not only dictated by blind obedience, but of regeneration, of trusting who I was becoming through this difficult, heart- and soul-rending process.
I had come far enough now that I could see the border of the wilderness, and had gained the perspective of hindsight. Looking backward at the valley, I saw the footpath that had been cleared for me -- not by me.
The dedication, patience and endurance I had suffered were now part of the discipline I needed to move forward the rest of the way. The challenges I had faced, the fears I had overcome, helped to shape my emerging identity. The pain and suffering, the tears and grief, were ending.
I had been transformed -- mentally and spiritually. Although the physical healing was not yet complete, I was becoming the woman God created me to be.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139: 13-16
My burdens were heavy. I was faced with debt, family situations, weight problems, and I finally admitted it -- depression. But as I turned them over to God, as I faced my fears, one by one, they lost their power over me. God was in control, if only I'd allow Him to be.
Day by day, week by week, the mountain began to move.
I opened myself to whatever I needed to learn, to not go backward again. And as my depression lifted, I realized that many long-lost skills which I once took for granted needed to be reclaimed, relearned, retuned, and I did so. Work came my way, tension eased, my mind cleared. I could breathe again.
I was coming back to life.
Happy are those who obey the Lord, who live by his commands. Your work will provide for your needs, you will be happy and prosperous. Psalm 128: 1-2
In October 2010, near the end of the fourth year, I awoke to these precious words, whispered into my soul by my precious Father: "Susan -- believe in yourself!"
Not only was I called by name, I was commanded back to life, a life not only dictated by blind obedience, but of regeneration, of trusting who I was becoming through this difficult, heart- and soul-rending process.
I had come far enough now that I could see the border of the wilderness, and had gained the perspective of hindsight. Looking backward at the valley, I saw the footpath that had been cleared for me -- not by me.
The dedication, patience and endurance I had suffered were now part of the discipline I needed to move forward the rest of the way. The challenges I had faced, the fears I had overcome, helped to shape my emerging identity. The pain and suffering, the tears and grief, were ending.
I had been transformed -- mentally and spiritually. Although the physical healing was not yet complete, I was becoming the woman God created me to be.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139: 13-16
Day 7 - The Second and Third Years
I entered the second year of grieving with a goal set toward transformation. My life as I knew it was no more. So who was I now? Who could I become? Who did I dare to be?
In the physical arena, I had some minor oral surgery to prepare me for braces. Yes, I was tinsel-toothed for the next 18 months. I bought a year-long membership at the Y, started working out, and hired a personal trainer. Then I changed my hair color, from brunette to blonde.
Professionally, I threw myself into my involvement with Soroptimist of Joplin, and expanded my business network by attending more Chamber of Commerce events. I was privileged to participate in the Leadership Joplin program. I did what writing I could handle, but nothing personal. And I started a new business.
Spiritually, I continued to attend weekly prayer meetings, and focused on daily prayer. I attended women's prayer retreats and met fantastic godly women whose encouragement was so needed, and so appreciated.
Mentally, things were still foggy. I relied on lists -- lots of lists -- to get through what had to be done, whether daily, weekly, sometimes even hourly. With a list to remind me of what to do and where to go, I could accomplish the necessary tasks. I knew there was an end to this somewhere, someday, but I was unable to see it.
From the beginning of year two through the middle of the third year, I muddled through the days, I sought healing and did what I could on my part to be transformed. I allowed myself to be led by the only one who truly knew what was going on -- God.
I waited. I grew. And in God's timing and His plan, I continued to heal. However, there were still lessons to be learned.
I love you just as the Father loves me; remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyeed my Father's comands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. John 15: 9-11
As I neared the fourth year of this wilderness, sensing that surely I was on my way back to life, I panicked.
The life insurance money had run out, and finances were strained. My son had a crisis of his own come upon us. The weight I had fought so long and hard to shed myself of, started coming back. There was no buyer for the house, even after 18 months and several price adjustments.
But my faith held firm, and I chose to no longer merely survive, but to be victorious!
Jesus answered them, "Have faith in God. I assure you that whoever tells this hill to get up and throw itself in the sea and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. For this reason I tell you: When you pray and ask for something, believe that you have received it, and you will be given whatever you ask for. And when you stand and pray, forgive anything you may have against anyone, so that your Father in heaven will forgive the wrongs you have done." Mark 11: 22-26
In the physical arena, I had some minor oral surgery to prepare me for braces. Yes, I was tinsel-toothed for the next 18 months. I bought a year-long membership at the Y, started working out, and hired a personal trainer. Then I changed my hair color, from brunette to blonde.
Professionally, I threw myself into my involvement with Soroptimist of Joplin, and expanded my business network by attending more Chamber of Commerce events. I was privileged to participate in the Leadership Joplin program. I did what writing I could handle, but nothing personal. And I started a new business.
Spiritually, I continued to attend weekly prayer meetings, and focused on daily prayer. I attended women's prayer retreats and met fantastic godly women whose encouragement was so needed, and so appreciated.
Mentally, things were still foggy. I relied on lists -- lots of lists -- to get through what had to be done, whether daily, weekly, sometimes even hourly. With a list to remind me of what to do and where to go, I could accomplish the necessary tasks. I knew there was an end to this somewhere, someday, but I was unable to see it.
From the beginning of year two through the middle of the third year, I muddled through the days, I sought healing and did what I could on my part to be transformed. I allowed myself to be led by the only one who truly knew what was going on -- God.
I waited. I grew. And in God's timing and His plan, I continued to heal. However, there were still lessons to be learned.
I love you just as the Father loves me; remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyeed my Father's comands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. John 15: 9-11
As I neared the fourth year of this wilderness, sensing that surely I was on my way back to life, I panicked.
The life insurance money had run out, and finances were strained. My son had a crisis of his own come upon us. The weight I had fought so long and hard to shed myself of, started coming back. There was no buyer for the house, even after 18 months and several price adjustments.
But my faith held firm, and I chose to no longer merely survive, but to be victorious!
Jesus answered them, "Have faith in God. I assure you that whoever tells this hill to get up and throw itself in the sea and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. For this reason I tell you: When you pray and ask for something, believe that you have received it, and you will be given whatever you ask for. And when you stand and pray, forgive anything you may have against anyone, so that your Father in heaven will forgive the wrongs you have done." Mark 11: 22-26
Monday, March 21, 2011
Day 6 - Let the Healing Begin
Holidays can be stressful to everyone. Especially to those who are in pain. However, what could have been a very difficult and sad Christmas, was turned into a time of sharing, joy, laughter, giving to others, and the making of new memories.
Amazingly, this blessing came through another hard time -- a very severe ice storm, which took down power lines, entire trees, and left many in the area without electricity. Friends and family were seeking shelter with loved ones, sometimes with strangers. Here I was, with my big empty house, spare beds, recliners, couches and floor space. And most importantly, I had electricity!
"Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?"
The King will reply, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:37-38
Throughout the duration, a dozen or so people stayed in my home, bringing their food to share and offering their assistance with whatever chores needed doing, including wrapping more than 100 gifts for children's Christmas baskets for my church. I moved upon another stepping stone as my home became a center of hospitality, a shelter in the storm.
After the crisis had passed and people returned to their own homes, this house continued to serve as such a shelter, for others at times as well as for myself -- a place of healing and restoration, enveloping me with memories and challenges as my devastated spirit healed. The first year ended, the second started, and the healing had begun.
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation;He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62: 1-2
Su
Amazingly, this blessing came through another hard time -- a very severe ice storm, which took down power lines, entire trees, and left many in the area without electricity. Friends and family were seeking shelter with loved ones, sometimes with strangers. Here I was, with my big empty house, spare beds, recliners, couches and floor space. And most importantly, I had electricity!
"Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?"
The King will reply, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:37-38
Throughout the duration, a dozen or so people stayed in my home, bringing their food to share and offering their assistance with whatever chores needed doing, including wrapping more than 100 gifts for children's Christmas baskets for my church. I moved upon another stepping stone as my home became a center of hospitality, a shelter in the storm.
After the crisis had passed and people returned to their own homes, this house continued to serve as such a shelter, for others at times as well as for myself -- a place of healing and restoration, enveloping me with memories and challenges as my devastated spirit healed. The first year ended, the second started, and the healing had begun.
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation;He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62: 1-2
Su
Day 5 - I Want You To Live
I was alone now, in a house much too big for just me. My husband dead, my son off to college.
And I was desperate for healing! Crying out to God for the pain to go away -- and if it wouldn't, then for Him to make some good of my tears, somehow, to use them to ease another's pain, or sweeten another's soul.
I have a prayer exercise I like to use, called the "I Know You Know" prayer. It puts things into perspective, connecting my tiny little mind to God's much larger intentions, by turning even my prayer requests over to His will.
"Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." -- The Lord's Prayer
The exercise goes something like this: "I know, God, that You know my pain. I know that you know why You did this. I know You know what my future holds."
We know that in all things God works for good with those who love Him, those whom he has called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
It was a June morning, three months into the wilderness, as I turned to the Lord with my "I Know You Know" litany, lifting up the crushed hopes and the sorrows, the despair and desperation. As I prayed, "I know You know," the words followed -- "I want you to live!" These words were not my own, but were planted deep within me, in an intimate answer to my prayer.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29"11
This whisper from my heavenly Father, slipped into my own prayers to Him, made me gasp with the realization that HE REALLY LOVES ME! In all this darkness, He has shown a light. A hope. A promise. A secure stepping stone to stand upon within the chaos around me.
And so I held on to that declaration, so simple yet so deep, and began setting goals to LIVE again. I didn't know what all that would entail, but I started opening myself up to the lessons to be learned, the process of preparation for what was to come at the end of the wilderness, an end I could not yet see, but which I knew God had shaped the boundaries of.
"Lord, prepare me for what You are preparing for me!" -- Corrie Ten Boom
And I was desperate for healing! Crying out to God for the pain to go away -- and if it wouldn't, then for Him to make some good of my tears, somehow, to use them to ease another's pain, or sweeten another's soul.
I have a prayer exercise I like to use, called the "I Know You Know" prayer. It puts things into perspective, connecting my tiny little mind to God's much larger intentions, by turning even my prayer requests over to His will.
"Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." -- The Lord's Prayer
The exercise goes something like this: "I know, God, that You know my pain. I know that you know why You did this. I know You know what my future holds."
We know that in all things God works for good with those who love Him, those whom he has called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
It was a June morning, three months into the wilderness, as I turned to the Lord with my "I Know You Know" litany, lifting up the crushed hopes and the sorrows, the despair and desperation. As I prayed, "I know You know," the words followed -- "I want you to live!" These words were not my own, but were planted deep within me, in an intimate answer to my prayer.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29"11
This whisper from my heavenly Father, slipped into my own prayers to Him, made me gasp with the realization that HE REALLY LOVES ME! In all this darkness, He has shown a light. A hope. A promise. A secure stepping stone to stand upon within the chaos around me.
And so I held on to that declaration, so simple yet so deep, and began setting goals to LIVE again. I didn't know what all that would entail, but I started opening myself up to the lessons to be learned, the process of preparation for what was to come at the end of the wilderness, an end I could not yet see, but which I knew God had shaped the boundaries of.
"Lord, prepare me for what You are preparing for me!" -- Corrie Ten Boom
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Day 4 - Year One, Continuing
Here I was, but where was I really? Everything had changed. And all was a blur. What I did know was that God was in control, and that He would help me.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Psalm 23: 1-3
Numb with pain, wretched with grief, I relied on my faith to sustain me. God showed His love in so many ways!
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23: 4
Friends and family came and did all the right things, bringing food, cleaning my house, helping with arrangements, opening their arms and their hearts. I remember sitting in my "Prayer Chair" and thinking about how, through such an awful, horrid, event, love was so evident.
You prepare a banquet for me, in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Psalm 23: 5
I did all the right things. I put on a stiff upper lip and planned the funeral. I forced myself through the necessary steps, and put up a brave front, smiling through my tears. I made sure I ate, although I could only manage one meal a day. I went to church daily -- my fogged brain couldn't take in much, I know my soul was fed.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23: 6
So I stepped forward, into the wilderness. Into the land of grief, the realm of mourning.
And when the time came a few months later, I sent my son off to college.
Su
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Psalm 23: 1-3
Numb with pain, wretched with grief, I relied on my faith to sustain me. God showed His love in so many ways!
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23: 4
Friends and family came and did all the right things, bringing food, cleaning my house, helping with arrangements, opening their arms and their hearts. I remember sitting in my "Prayer Chair" and thinking about how, through such an awful, horrid, event, love was so evident.
You prepare a banquet for me, in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Psalm 23: 5
I did all the right things. I put on a stiff upper lip and planned the funeral. I forced myself through the necessary steps, and put up a brave front, smiling through my tears. I made sure I ate, although I could only manage one meal a day. I went to church daily -- my fogged brain couldn't take in much, I know my soul was fed.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23: 6
So I stepped forward, into the wilderness. Into the land of grief, the realm of mourning.
And when the time came a few months later, I sent my son off to college.
Su
Day 3 - Year One, The First Days
I had always heard about people's lives crashing down around them, being turned upside down, but up until four years ago, I had never had such an experience. I was blessed. I was comfortable. I was happy.
My husband and I were preparing to send our son off to college -- the college of his choice. We were very proud, and excited. And looking forward to some "empty nest" time together.
But then devastation hit. There's no easy way to say it, except with detachment. There is no pain-free way to revisit it, except through the lens of time and distance. Maybe four years isn't long, but that's the time frame I have to work with, so I'll be as detached and distant and I can.
He died. Suddenly. My beloved husband and best friend, DIED!!!!
And just as suddenly, I was lost. I was flung into the wilderness.
The next morning I awoke with a poem in my mind, which became his eulogy.
That's enough background for this time. I will continue the first year's events in the next post.
Su
My husband and I were preparing to send our son off to college -- the college of his choice. We were very proud, and excited. And looking forward to some "empty nest" time together.
But then devastation hit. There's no easy way to say it, except with detachment. There is no pain-free way to revisit it, except through the lens of time and distance. Maybe four years isn't long, but that's the time frame I have to work with, so I'll be as detached and distant and I can.
He died. Suddenly. My beloved husband and best friend, DIED!!!!
And just as suddenly, I was lost. I was flung into the wilderness.
The next morning I awoke with a poem in my mind, which became his eulogy.
“Biggun”
“Biggun,” he was called, with affection and with good reason, for he was a big man – broad of shoulder and of a height which few could top.
A big man needs a big heart, so God gave him one…
A heart big enough to love his family and his country, his church and his God…
A heart big enough to share with others, to love deeply, fully, in ways small and large, and especially in the ways of the everyday…
A heart big enough to love the world, yet too big for this world.
So God called him home.
A big man needs big hands, so God gave them to him…
Hands big enough to cradle his newborn son and guide him to young adulthood, to becoming a big man in his own right…
Hands big enough to envelop his wife’s in faithfully committed and devoted embrace…
Hands big enough to cup around a basketball, to hold out in friendship, to clasp in prayer.
A big man needs big feet, so God gave them to him…
Feet big enough to hold him steady as he walked through life…
Feet big enough to leave big footprints to follow, and even bigger shoes to fill.
But what most defined “Biggun” was that big old heart…
A heart big enough for the man, big enough for all who knew him, all who loved him, yet too big for this world.
So God called him home.
Su
Day 2 - Before the Beginning
I suppose some background is in order. Background to give perspective, not to dwell upon. This is a forward-moving journey, but if I am to invite you to share the journey, then you would be best served to see what has led me to this point of beginning.
I have delayed in writing this, finding it much more difficult than I had envisioned. After all, I have emerged from the wilderness, and it's a beautiful world.
The desert will rejoice, and flowers will bloom in the wastelands.
The desert will sing and shout for joy; it will be as beautiful as the Lebanon mountains and as fertile as the fields of Carmel and Sharon.
Everyone will see the Lord's splendor, see His greatness and power. Isaiah 35: 1-2
So I am starting small. I am laying out the ground rules for this blog.
First, God gets all the credit for the wonderful blessings in my life, including the growth that comes from difficult lessons and painful experiences.
Second, everyone who has helped or who is helping, whether through encouragement or professional guidance, is heartily appreciated. You know who you are.
Third, no names or personal details other than my own will be given without permission.
Fourth, this is a work in progress, and may take some interesting turns along the way.
Fifth, I thank you as you pray for me on this journey.
Sixth, please keep an open mind, and an open heart, as you follow along.
Seventh, in providing some background, I'm retreating to four years ago, to the far side of the wilderness. The next four posts will each cover one of the four years and where I was led. It's much too much to put it all into one day's posting.
That's the plan -- for now, anyway.
Su
I have delayed in writing this, finding it much more difficult than I had envisioned. After all, I have emerged from the wilderness, and it's a beautiful world.
The desert will rejoice, and flowers will bloom in the wastelands.
The desert will sing and shout for joy; it will be as beautiful as the Lebanon mountains and as fertile as the fields of Carmel and Sharon.
Everyone will see the Lord's splendor, see His greatness and power. Isaiah 35: 1-2
So I am starting small. I am laying out the ground rules for this blog.
First, God gets all the credit for the wonderful blessings in my life, including the growth that comes from difficult lessons and painful experiences.
Second, everyone who has helped or who is helping, whether through encouragement or professional guidance, is heartily appreciated. You know who you are.
Third, no names or personal details other than my own will be given without permission.
Fourth, this is a work in progress, and may take some interesting turns along the way.
Fifth, I thank you as you pray for me on this journey.
Sixth, please keep an open mind, and an open heart, as you follow along.
Seventh, in providing some background, I'm retreating to four years ago, to the far side of the wilderness. The next four posts will each cover one of the four years and where I was led. It's much too much to put it all into one day's posting.
That's the plan -- for now, anyway.
Su
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Day 1 - It's a Beginning
One step. That's the beginning of any journey, including this one. One day out of 100, with 99 more to come.
This particular journey is taking me out of a wilderness, a time of grief and mourning, and back into the land of the living. From sickness into wellness. And this blog is to chronicle that journey.
Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses.
He sets the time for birth and the time for death, the time for planting and the time for pulling up, the time for killing and the time for healing, the time for tearing down and the time for building.
He sets the time for sorrow and the time for joy, the time for mourning and the time for dancing, the time for making love and the time for not making love, the time for kissing and the time for not kissing.
He sets the time for finding and the time for losing, the time for saving and the time for throwing away, the time for tearing and the time for mending, the time for silence and the time for talk.
He sets the time for love and the time for hate, the time for war and the time for peace. Ecc. 3:1-8
God sets the time for all events in our lives. And now is the time for my healing, my joy, my dancing. And I share the experience with you through this 100-Day Journey.
Su
This particular journey is taking me out of a wilderness, a time of grief and mourning, and back into the land of the living. From sickness into wellness. And this blog is to chronicle that journey.
Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses.
He sets the time for birth and the time for death, the time for planting and the time for pulling up, the time for killing and the time for healing, the time for tearing down and the time for building.
He sets the time for sorrow and the time for joy, the time for mourning and the time for dancing, the time for making love and the time for not making love, the time for kissing and the time for not kissing.
He sets the time for finding and the time for losing, the time for saving and the time for throwing away, the time for tearing and the time for mending, the time for silence and the time for talk.
He sets the time for love and the time for hate, the time for war and the time for peace. Ecc. 3:1-8
God sets the time for all events in our lives. And now is the time for my healing, my joy, my dancing. And I share the experience with you through this 100-Day Journey.
Su
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